The Ripple Effect

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When I hit publish on Amazon KDP for my first book, I began to think about the life of a book. Oh wow, it’s done now. It’s out in the world. My personal stories, my inside thoughts I’ve never said out loud.

Books get bought, lent to other people, sold in garage sales, given away, and they live on the earth longer than we do. I have now lost control of who can intimately hear my thoughts and read my words, and the first part I feel is panic. 

What should I do next? I have incredible mentors, so I know what to do next, but I don’t know what to do next, you know?

Now I have to tell people this book is there. I have to …take a deep breath….promote my book.

Can’t I just go back into my writing cocoon, and write another book, because maybe I didn’t quite get this one right? What if people don’t like it? What if I look like a fool?

"Okay Karen," I said to myself,  "you’ve been training for this. It’s time to be serious about sharing your message. It’s time to start planning some sort of book tour, keynote event or something! 

I started by asking my readers which stories from the book were most compelling to them. I started working those stories into my talk.

One cold January morning I got up early, like I normally do, and was working on my talk. Feeling a little scared, and honestly kind of frazzled about my next step, I turned to a facebook scroll. 

That’s when I see it. A call from our local theater looking for artists to apply to perform in the summer festival called Theater on the Edge. That’s interesting, I thought. Is this something I could do? Hmmm… probably not. Karen, stop distracting yourself and get your butt downstairs to the gym before you miss your workout window.

My scheduled workout that day was on my Peloton bike from the Discover Your Power Zones program.

The instructor’s name: Christine D’Ercole

Originally Recorded on Monday 2/22/21 Here is a link to the class

Probably a ride long forgotten by Christine. Half an hour of her life was about to set off a huge wave.

Now, if you’ve ever ridden with Christine, you know that each and every one of her song choices is not an accident. She chooses meaningful songs that have spoken to her, and songs that have spoken to other riders. More ripples to explore. 

This specific ride was a collection of ripples that contained the perfect recipe to send me a wave I was about to catch.

Hop on the ride with me and experience the ripple effect in action.

I suited up with my bike shorts, got my water bottle filled and ready, put my earbuds in and was trying to shut off the noise in my head.

Christine caught me like she usually does. She brought me into the experience I was about to have on the bike.

Thursday - Jess Glynne was the warm up song .

 

“ And there are many things that I could change so slightly. But why would I succumb to something so unlike me ? I was always taught to just be myself. Don’t change for anyone…. I just wanna feel beautiful”

 

Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of all the times I felt un beautiful.

Then I thought of my niece Megan Abel, a singer songwriter and I thought of how they had similar voices.

And how the song was so relatable with my stories.

I heard a whisper in my ear , “I wonder if Megan could come and sing at my book event..whatever that book event is..”

Airplanes-  (feat Hayley Williams of Paramore) brought me back to my body, the bike and the workout. That and a shift in the work Christine was cuing.

 

“Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars. I could really use a wish right now”

I thought about me,and all the times I could have really used a wish. All the times I wished I had somebody else’s body.

Secrets- (feat B.o.B )B.o.B, Mary Lambert

“They tell us from the time we’re young to hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves inside ourselves. I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else. Well I’m over it I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are”

Another song I could hear my niece’s voice in. And no I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are!  I began thinking a little bit bigger. What if I wrote a full show to perform at the festival? I wonder if Megan would want to add music. I hadn’t actually seen her in more than 2 years… but I wonder…

The next couple of songs brought me back to my body, and my workout and I began letting my mind blank out. Let it all go, tune into me. 

And then it caught me again and my eyes began to leak, and my body filled with goosebumps with Hallelujah - Oh Wonder

“I heard it on the radio on my way back home that I’m going to be someone. I guess it was a song they wrote. Saying don’t go slow “cause you’re gonna be someone. They were singing hallelujah halle hallelujah.

“Sometimes I don’t think my mama thinks I’m good enough to be a superstar. But one day I will show her I’m a diamond in the rough, I’ll be a superstar. Cause there’s a crown covered in glitter and gold. I’m going to wear it whether you like it or not. I’ll be singing halle halle halle hallelujah whether you like it or not” 

I was teleported back to my little girl self dancing around the living room with my princess crown on. My mom and I had made it out of construction paper, the same material as my princess dress was wrapped around it, and she finished the look with  her wedding veil.

Next I was a young adult returning home filled with shame definitely in the rough spot of the diamond shaping process.. By now I’m a mess in a good way. At this point in the ride I feel a sense of healing. 

Then comes I Like Myself (Most of the Time) K. Flay

 

“Everybody wants to be the girl. Everybody wants to be extraordinarily beautiful. Everybody wants to rule the world, or the room at least and assume they’ll be the one with a crowded funeral”

“I like myself most of the time. Is that a crime?”

“I don’t like myself some of the time. No I don’t like myself some of the time. Cause I f*ck up alot and fall behind”

By this time in the ride I’m feeling stronger and braver about sharing my story to really help others the way I’ve been helped through writing and art throughout this ride.

I felt incredibly gifted with healing, courage, validation, but wait … here it comes…

The moment that anchored everything that was swirling in my brain.

Christine shared this about herself:

“I spent a lot of time chasing dreams in dancing and in theater, where so much of someone's success is based on other people's opinions of your appearance. How does anybody win this? When I discovered bike racing, I became successful winning races based on my strength and my decisions. It had nothing to do with how I looked or how somebody else thought of what I looked like.I started to finally feel alive. It’s very empowering. You make yourself proud by taking on challenges and accomplishing them” 

That right there. I felt at my core. That right there was what I was talking about, the theme to my book, the message I desire to spread with this show.

In my lifetime I’ve experienced addictions, limited beliefs, disordered eating, and hormonal imbalances to name a few

I learned that I'm the only one who can control the thoughts that create action. That the things that were making me regain the weight were also the things that took it off.

I dove deep into science, self awareness, and all of the places that weight comes from- Even holding on to past traumas. I learned how to delicately redirect the mean girl voice inside my head.

 When I lost weight, I was scared that everyone was seeing me gain weight, I felt like a phony when I told others to love themselves as they were, and I knew I wasn't.

On the surface, yes, but the deep seeded doubts said otherwise.

I felt like my DNA was my curse, and I just had to work harder than everyone else.

Christine discovered her strength and power in bike racing. 

I discovered mine in running, leading fitness classes and writing. I discovered freedom, power, confidence, self awareness, and my potential to help others with my mess. All of it. 

I have to tell the inside story. The conversations with self. I think that everyone thought it was easy for me. The toughest thing after weight loss was learning who I really was. What lit me up outside of all the body obsession.

All of this is going through my head like flashes and then I made the decision that as soon as I got off the bike, I would text Megan and ask her if she’d be interested in creating a show.

If she’d like to be the musician to add mood to the stories I was about to hop on stage and tell. I will ask her if she’s interested in submitting a show to our local theater festival.

The next artists on the ride did nothing but confirm this decision and affirm my choice and sudden declaration.

Beautiful Anyway - Judah & the Lion

“ There you go. Feeling so broken and alone. You walk with your head held so low. You wanna give in most the days and that’s okay. I hope you see someday that you are beautiful anyway. When you look in the mirror please try to see it clearer. Crazy and amazing you are and then let it inside.”

“Raise your hands. Take a second and breathe in. Singin, “Hallelujah I’m known and loved”

The act of tossing a small stone into the water will result in a change that can be felt much farther away than the initial entry point—proof that small actions can lead to much bigger changes, even if you can't see how far they can reach.

Every one of these musicians created a piece of work alone.The lyrics, the sweet sound that creates melody.

Most likely a ton of help and work went into these songs from the first lyric that arrived in the artists head to what we hear as the end of the result. 

Then it arrives in the listeners ears and people like Christine pull all the artists together to make an experience for her riders. Another work of art.

I didn’t even shower. I hopped off the bike and sent this message to Megan and before I could back out, she said yes.

And with that, we created a compilation of story and song to make another experience for those eager to receive the wave of possibilities.

My Body is My Home was born, and has been performed in front of various audiences. As it is drawn out, it gets better and better.

My niece Megan Abel wrote 70% of the songs, including ones that had been written and never were intended to be shared with an audience. 

From the above playlist we chose a cameo and Megan covered a couple of lines from  Hallelujah - Oh Wonder  I’ll be singing halle halle halle hallelujah whether you like it or not” 

Every time I've sang that phrase on stage, I brought the feeling I had in the ride with me and cast the energy to the audience to celebrate who they are.

10 months after I took that ride, I had just returned home from my 5th and 6th performance of the show.

I had flown across Canada to perform for my mom on her 80th birthday week. We had a theater show, and a spontaneous encore at my mom’s residence. It was the first time I was solo on stage.

My husband Barry rides the Peloton too. He really likes the power zone rides too. He came upstairs all sweaty after a ride and shared with me a ride that he had just taken with Christine.

He said, “ you need to take this ride and listen to what Christine says. I feel like the two of you have so much in common.”

So I “bookmarked” the class and took it the next day.

To my pleasant surprise it was my ripple ride. The same one Originally Recorded on Monday 21-02-22

This time I felt different. I felt celebratory. I was a different person than I was the first time. There were a lot of celebratory tears. It was full circle.

My friend, you never know the ripple you will cast with your work. With your words, your lyrics, your art, your empathy. Way past what you can see or where you can see are the people you will impact for centuries. 

Don’t hold back.

 Thank you for taking this ride with me.